Jo's Journey

Well i got through yesterday, so that's a plus.

I have been to WI and gained 4lbs, i am ok with that, it could have been a lot worse!

I have changed my stats on here and on my ww profile so what you see is what i weigh, no more 'forgetting' to change them for fear of looking a failure.

I ate, i gained, it's my fault, i need to learn from this and move forward.

We are off to Blackpool in 3 weeks to take Sarah to see the lights so i would love to have the 4 off by then and maybe the extra 2 to get my 8 stone but i wont push it, but i AM going to stay focused, no more big bags of giant buttons for me.

Everything was going ok, i was off the cigs, felt ok but suddenly last thursday i had one of those 'i fancy a binge' moments (please say i am not the only one that has them?)

I can't even remember how much i had, but suffice to say i overate and one thing i can remember are the 2 bags of giant buttons and i am pretty sure they are 22 points each!!

Oh and the numerous mini chomps ( i will not go in the cadbury shop again and buy in bulk, i promise!)

Friday was no better, i went out with a mate from work to Loughborough where we ended up in a pub eating burger and chips and drinking smirnoff ice ......at lunchtime, so you can see where this is going, the whole day went pearshaped and after the ice cream (well the sun was out) and the kit kat caramel (in for a penny in for a pound) i even had bloomin KFC for tea!

So we get to Saturday, actually for someone that was sent home from work as i felt sick, (which i am sure was just pure over indulgence) i surpassed myself and on the journey to Crawley for a gig, i managed to get through a whole bag of foxes glacier fruits...note to self, next time, pick something nicer, ie cadbury's eclairs ;o)

So there i was all dressed up for the gig and i should have known it was a bad sign when i decided to change out of my dress and put on my 'comfy and large' size 14 jeans, t- shirt and my trainers, which actually was fine as no one was that dressed up as it was a laid back affair but of course i felt all relaxed so i would hazard a guess that at least 15 smirnoff ices were drunk, not forgetting the compulsory spring roll from the chinese!

Eeek, this list gets longer, Sunday morning we wake up in the b&b and have a full breakfast, lots of yummy toast ( i rarely eat bread) with real butter.
Bag of nuts in the car (almost healthy?)
Arrived home and went to Asda, totally shattered so i decide to make quick and easy Spag Bol, it's a ww recipe so that's ok?
Well it is unless you also have cheese and garlic bread AND doughballs, finished off with Lemon Meringue Pie!

So after that lot it will come as no surprise that i got on the scales on Monday morning to a gain of 9lbs!!

So as of yesterday i am firmly back on the wagon and a small consolation is this morning's SP already says that gain is now 'only' 5.5lbs

Hopefully i can repair some of the damage this week.

At weigh in today i lost 1.5lbs, but i have my theory....

I was never really convinced that i had gained 2.5lbs last week, well i know that's what the scales said but i was sure it was just sheer volume from the Chinese as opposed to weight so considering this last week i had a minimum of 26 points a day plus Friday's mammoth binge i really shouldn't have lost so all in all i think it's just been a case of evening itself out.

That said, i was very pleased, i was afraid of what 3 gains in 3 weeks would have done to my motivation, at least i am in a better frame of mind to be as good as i possibly can before the weekend where i will more than likely drink my body weight in Smirnoff Ice :o)

Had a good chat with my leader about my yo yo weigh ins, i seem to be up one week, down the next these days but she reminded me i was 'fat' for a lot longer than i have been 'thin' so it will take some time to adjust.

And the best thing for me is, i am still not smoking and surprisingly not bothered by it!

since i posted, i am so lazy!

Sadly last week i gained 2.5lbs, not unexpected as I had been out for 2 chinese buffets in one week and i was dubious about the 2lb loss the week before so i think it evened itself out a bit!

The good news is i have now been a non smoker since last Monday night, at the moment i am doing ok, i am not missing the ciggies in the slightest and long may that continue
but.....
I am certainly not doing very well on the food front, i am very picky at the moment and fear yet another gain tomorrow, which is not good as we are away at the weekend so that could just be 3 gains in 3 weeks :o(

Another But, i am happier to have the gains than to have given in and lit up, i can lose the lbs when i settle into being a non smoker, at least so far i am succeeding! :o)

Well the plan to raise the tracker seems to be working.

If you read my last post i was on 21 to lose but raised it to 26 to maintain and funnily enough, i seem to be eating less that 26 and 'saving' about 4-5 a day so i am really on 21, funny how the brain works isn't it?

I guess that goes a little way to proving that a lot of what we do is controlled by the mind and not the stomach!

This week although i had a good week exercise wise but a not so good week food wise i still somehow managed to lose 2lbs :o)

So now I just want to get the last 1.5lb off to make 8 stone in total and then i am done, no more losing, well intentionally anyway!

nothing will!

Right,
Today i have decided to set my tracker to maintain, it was on 21 points so i still lost that little bit of holiday gain but i have come to thinking, i am still 8.5lbs under goal so why am i stressing, my size 12 jeans fit and that's what makes me happy so why do i punish myself week in week out over numbers?

Having my points tracker on 21 and i last week i went over EVERY day, over the week it averages out about 5 points extra a day so this week i am going to see if having it set at 26 actually makes me feel a bit more comfortable and not so restricted, following me still?

I am wondering if i actually see i have 'numbers' left i wont feel compelled to carry on eating for the sake of it.....

I went to the gym 5 days out of 7 last week so i have no idea what difference it will make to wi this week, i guess it's possible to show a gain but i feel better for it so i will take whatever those dreaded scales say.

Anyway this just goes to show that my theory that maintenance was always going to be harder than actual losing is spot on, it's all a bloomin' minefield!